Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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