hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
