I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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