He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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