Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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