i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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