he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
