dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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