I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
