Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
