You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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