He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
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I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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