remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
