Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
