dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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