Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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