I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
