hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
