DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As shirtless as possible
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
