saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
