He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
