I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
