hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
