My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize