Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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