He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
