hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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