I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
