That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
