I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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