No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
