Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would fuck him just for his dog
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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