i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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