she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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