Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
