so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
