She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
