I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
