Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's blow job season.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
