I wanna passion pit in your ass
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
