I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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