We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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