In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
