He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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