this boner is exhausting
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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