i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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