just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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