dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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