1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
