I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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