This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
