just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
