wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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