apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Im part way to drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
