Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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