I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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