u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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