I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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