Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
