Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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