i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
