Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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