I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
